You are driving in the far left lane of a three lane highway (all lanes traveling in the same direction). The posted speed limit is 70mph. You are driving 52mph. It is 5:30AM and the highway is scantily clad with a small number of cars. There is no reason for you to be traveling in the left-hand lane. Oh wait, yes there is, you must be going on a LONG trip. The other two lanes are for short(er) trips. Either that or you must be thinking about that left-hand turn you are going to make off this three-lane major highway in a few miles. Nope, that cannot be it because there are no left-hand turns off this highway. I wonder why you are over here in the fast lane, talking on your cell phone? You must have this lane confused with the “Cell Phone Lane.”


I am behind you, less than a car length. I know my lights are distracting you because I am driving a big truck and you are in a small car. My tailgation (yes, I made up this word – it is a noun – the past-tense act of tailgating – live with it) is my signal to let you know, “Hey, you need to move over a lane OR TWO! This lane over here is for the big boys, you know, the ones that go fast and are not talking on a cell phone.” Yet, you persist and maintain your speed of 52mph despite me drafting you like a NASCAR event at Daytona. I pull over into the middle lane, pass you, then get in front of you. I proceed to slow down to 40mph to demonstrate to you how it feels. It does not feel good to have a slower vehicle in front of you while you are in the fast lane does it? Hey, what is this?!?!? Are you actually going to move over a lane and try and speed up to pass me? Am I annoying you? I do not think so. Get back there where you belong before your car blows up. Oh, and you can go to a salvage yard and buy some used front hub caps to match those two you have on the rear wheels. That is right, stay back there in the middle lane and complain about me to the person you are talking to on your cell phone. Better still, why don’t you try and text me a message?


“Teaching Texas drivers how to drive ONE driver at a time!”, that’s my motto. Do I need counseling?